


Wish You Were Here

by WhiteAngel128



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Songfic, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-23 18:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1575995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteAngel128/pseuds/WhiteAngel128
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>April 18, two weeks and three days before May 5, Hibari leaves for a seemingly simple mission and Tsuna eagerly waits for his return. Two weeks later, May 5 becomes a day no one will ever forget and things will never be the same again. 1827, birthday fic...ish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wish You Were Here

**Author's Note:**

> Birthday fic inspired by song of the same name by Delta Goodrem. Posted on FFNet last year, might as well post it here too. Enjoy!

It was the annoyingly bright early morning sunlight that woke me up. I groaned, eyelids twitching in irritation, and rolled to the side to get away from that brightness. Even without looking, my still groggy mind supplied that I must have forgotten to close the shades again last night. When I rolled to the side, I moved further towards the center of the bed. Unfortunately, even with the sunlight, the sheets were cold, making me want to shiver and curl up further…but that coldness wasn't right, nor was the emptiness in my bed.

With a small groan, I reluctantly forced my eyes open and slowly pushed myself into sitting position. When I had the combined forces of sunlight and coldness of the bed against me, there was no chance of getting back to sleep. I sat still, staring at the closets straight ahead blankly and waiting for the sleepiness to fade away. Once it did and I no longer had the constant urge to fall back onto the bed, I actually had the thought that I was glad to wake up.

I didn't know why, but I had these lingering feelings of restlessness, despair, grief and sadness, so much sadness. My heart gave a painful throb in response and the back of my eyes burned with tears. It was as if something bad, probably an understatement, was going to happen. But that was very unlikely, it would be months now since the war with Millefiore and things were so peaceful, as peaceful as the mafia world could get anyway. Maybe I just dreamed of something bad, or a bad memory, though I had no recollection of the dream, as usual.

The door to the attached bathroom opened, a man stepped out and all the thoughts on the strange dream were pushed to the back of my mind along with the unfavorable feelings. "Good morning." I greeted with a small smile, already feeling calmer and reassured with his presence alone.

Steam was coming out from the bathroom, that explained his absence from my bed, I must have missed the sound of running water because of the drowsiness earlier. A pair of piercing blue-gray eyes turned towards me. "Good morning." Kyouya greeted back, no longer drying his hair with the towel and instead draped it around his shoulders while walking towards the neatly folded pile of clean clothes. My smile widened when I noticed he was only wearing black pants that were to go with the blazer and purple dress shirt, I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a sight to see.

And that reminded me that nothing happened last night because I was too tired – Reborn decided it was funny to lock me in my office until I'd finished the paperwork – and was dead to the world the moment I hit the bed. It was a shame because we rarely had any time alone together. I was almost always busy and he was the aloof cloud guardian who hated crowds, and crowds usually surrounded me like I was a magnet, according to him. It was even worse that he was leaving for another mission today after only staying for a little over a week.

"Tsunayoshi, what's wrong?" Kyouya's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw him now sitting at the edge of the bed beside me, expertly tying his tie.

I shook my head and stretched a bit while answering, "Nothing. Why would anything be wrong?" I couldn't help but smile when Kyouya rolled his eyes, not buying what I just said for a second, I could never hide anything from him.

"You're too quiet, and you were rolling around a lot."

"Oh, did I wake you up?"

"Yes, you kicked me, more than once. It was annoying."

I laughed at that, Kyouya was as blunt as always. "Sorry, I had a bad dream."

"About?"

"I don't know," I answered truthfully with a shrug, I had no reason to lie to him. "All I remember is a melody played on a piano. But it was probably about something very sad. You think it's an omen?"

Kyouya scoffed and moved from the bed to the glass doors that lead to the balcony, he was never one for superstitions. "What did I tell you about listening to Moonlight Sonata late at night before sleeping?" The doors were opened and Hibird flew in, landing on its owner's head happily.

"I can't help it if Gokudera-kun's an amazing pianist and that happens to be his favorite piece." I shrugged again and smiled sheepishly. That could've been why I had that dream, but even though everything was vague, I didn't think it was Moonlight Sonata I heard.

"Then I'll just have to bite him to death." Kyouya looked all too pleased at the idea.

"Don't be mean."

Kyouya didn't answer to that and instead looked down at his phone before walking towards me again. "I have to go now."

"That soon? Can't we at least eat breakfast together?"

"There's no time, you woke up late."

I turned to check the time on the digital clock on the nightstand and pouted, I really was late. In fact, I needed to be in my office in 15 minutes or either Reborn or Gokudera would hunt me down. With a sigh, I moved to get off the bed, noticing that I was still dressed in the untucked orange dress shirt and black pants I had worn yesterday, and both were now crumpled. As soon as I had set my feet on the carpeted floor and stood up, a large and slightly rough hand took hold of my chin. My eyes closed in response without me needing to think about it. A pair of lips met mine and the hand moved to the back of my neck, tugging on my hair and pulling me closer. I smiled into the kiss, linking my arms behind his neck and eagerly moved against those warm lips. Within seconds, the kiss become much more passionate and I let out a small, barely audible moan. But before Kyouya could push me down onto the bed – I just knew he was planning to – there was a knock on the door.

Since it was somebody who'd actually bothered to knock and didn't call for 'Juudaime', it was probably Kusakabe. Kyouya growled and we parted, I was as disappointed by the interruption as he was. "Come back soon, and be careful." I said in a slightly breathless voice with a pout. It was an annoyed look, but Kyouya called it a pout, regardless of how many times I'd corrected him.

"Hn," he answered and readjusted his tie, glaring at the door when there was another knock. I resisted the urge to laugh when I saw that his hair was even more disheveled than usual thanks to me messing it up during the kiss. "I'm leaving this guy with you." He continued to ignore Kusakabe, holding a finger out for Hibird to land on before handing him over to me.

"Sure," the canary flew from my hand onto my head, chirping my name cutely in his squeaky voice and nestled comfortably into my hair like it was a nest. I wonder if having a bird favoring my hair as a nest could be considered a compliment or not. Over the years, Hibird seemed to have followed his master's example and taken a liking to me. He would sometimes prefer to stay with me while Kyouya went on missions. I didn't mind at all, Hibird was great company. "Don't forget you said you'll be back in two weeks." I reminded as Kyouya reached for the doorknob.

Opening the door, he turned his head to give me a smirk. "Have I ever broken a promise to you?" It was obviously a rhetorical question and Kyouya walked out.

I chuckled softly, of course he had never broken a promise to me. Plus, he was well aware that I'd never let him live it down if he came back late and miss that day without an extremely good reason. "Be careful as well!" I called out as Kusakabe gave me a bow in greeting before closing the door.

Once Kyouya had left, the room was eerily quiet and I felt uncomfortable again, the bad feeling from the dream returning. I really hoped he would take my warning to be cautious seriously. Though I had faith in his strength, one can never be too careful. A couple of knocks followed by a call for 'Juudaime' brought me out of my thoughts and I quickly scrambled around the room to get dressed, not wanting to keep Gokudera waiting for too long.

~1827~

_I've been knock, knock, knocking at the thought of your door  
But you're not, not, not here anymore_

The first week after Kyouya had left was quite uneventful, nothing was wrong or out of the norm. I didn't contact him or Kusakabe because they were going to observe a famiglia that had been causing trouble for an ally of the Vongola. I didn't want to call at a bad time and become a nuisance, and with my horrible luck, that was very likely to happen. By the start of the second week, I was bored out of my mind from all of the reports I had to read and sign so I decided to take a short break. Looking up from the papers, I reached for the small calendar on the side and absentmindedly flicked back and forth between the pages, reading the small notes that were underneath some dates. Several dates in the rest of the week and next week were circled, they were all meetings.

I stopped at a particular date and smiled. May 5 was circled in red like the other dates to remember, but it was also highlighted, showing its importance. Of course Kyouya's birthday would be more important to me than meetings in a peaceful time like this. I laughed a little when I remembered how Ryohei was so persistent on the matter that we hold a birthday party for Kyouya like we did for everyone else. Throwing parties wasn't the problem, getting Kyouya to attend them was. So after countless verbal and physical fights between the two of them, I finally managed to convince Ryohei to let Kyouya choose what he wanted to do, it would be his day anyway. And so, just like any other year, May 5 now would just have Kyouya and I spending the entire day together like a couple should, the other guardians would give him a handshake, a pat on the back, or a plain and simple 'happy birthday'. That still didn't stop Ryohei from dragging him out at the dead of night the day before to go drinking last year though.

Back to the main point, May 5 was just a little over a week away, which was why I wanted Kyouya back within the next couple of days. I was getting a bit worried though, he would normally be back by now. It could be flight delays because of the weather, there were storms at the moment over there, but he would've contacted me. He was a fast and efficient worker, maybe this mission was harder than I thought. Hibird also seemed anxious, sometimes he'd look at me and ask where Kyouya was. Hopefully I was just being paranoid and he'd show up soon.

_I ring, ring, ring you're every phone in my head  
But I can't get through, the connection is dead_

It was exactly one day after that promised two weeks that I could be seen pacing around the room non-stop. The rhetorical question he'd answered me with before leaving replayed in my mind and realization sunk in. He'd broken his promise. Without so much as a word to me or anyone. Everyone could see how worried I was and all tried to reassure me in their own way. For example, Reborn just told me I looked like an overreacting housewife and made me sit down to do the increasing pile of work. I tried to remain optimistic and made myself busy with paperwork for the entire day, but found myself constantly checking the internet for any weather or news report that would justify Kyouya's tardiness.

By late morning of the next day, May 4, I had completely given up on paperwork and was on the edge of having a nervous breakdown. It was impossible to concentrate on anything with all the conflicting thoughts in my mind and Hibird continuously calling for Kyouya, I could tell he was just as worried as me. My head was spinning and I could feel a headache developing, I'd barely slept at all last night. Another minute of fidgeting in the chair went by and I decided I had had enough of doing nothing. Without hesitation, I left my office and headed back to my room for my phone, bumping into a few maids on the way as I practically ran through the corridors.

Kyouya's number, like all of the guardians', was on my speed dial and after pressing one button, I was impatiently listening to the dialing tone. That monotonous, repetitive sound couldn't be more irritating and deafening. I was chanting in my mind for Kyouya to pick up as each of that annoyingly loud, rhythmic noise passed. In the end, the only answer I got was from an automatic voice saying the number was unavailable.

I stared at the phone, a million thoughts and scenarios running through my head. I sucked in a deep breath and called again. At least 15 minutes passed and the same action was repeated so many times that I'd lost count. I was forced to stop calling when my phone shut itself down from low battery. Before the screen turned black, I'd saw on the log book that I'd called 34 times, and received the same unwanted answer every single time.

I sat down on the bed and threw the now useless device onto the mattress. A thought crossed my mind and I stumbled over to the nightstand for the phone's charger, still hanging onto the hope that Kyouya or even Kusakabe would call any second now. With the phone charging, I slumped down onto the cold bed again. I stared down at my lap where my shaking hands were. I felt sick, my chest hurt, the growing lump in my throat making it hard to breathe and I could barely hear anything pass the loud thumps my heart were giving. I was scared. Terrified. Nothing scared me more than the thought of losing someone close to me. I've experienced it once in that nightmarish future where I'd lost Reborn. In that same future, I'd seen Lal Mirch mourned for Colonello, and Yamamoto for his father. I can't imagine what I'd do if something happened to Kyouya.

_I want, want to tell you about the news today_   
_But you wouldn't believe me, you'd laugh it away_   
_There's a ghost standing at the foot of my bed_   
_And it's you, it's you, it's you_

I didn't even realize I had practically passed out from mental exhaustion and fatigue until I woke up twenty minutes or so later. For a moment, as my eyes opened, I saw a figure clad in a black suit in front of me. All traces of sleepiness disappeared and I instantaneously pushed myself off the mattress. But it turned out to only be my reflection in the tall mirror opposite the bed. I grimaced and slumped down again, just how many more times would I have to be disappointed today?

I snapped out of my thoughts when Hibird suddenly began calling for Kyouya again. They weren't the normal cute, cheerful calls. They were more like screams, screeches that were filled with pain and desperation. Was this the sixth sense people said animals had? I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. Watching Hibird like that felt like watching an innocent puppy bled to death after I'd shot it myself and stomped on all of its bones. I didn't know how I could calm him down, how could I when I myself wanted to break down and start calling for Kyouya like a desperate child?

I silently cradled Hibird into a shaking, cold hand, grabbed my phone – about 40 percent charged - with the other and ran out of the room. I was going to my office to tell Reborn that I was going to look for Kyouya and no one was going to stop me.

I was nearly at the office, but stopped at the door adjacent to it when I heard two or three muffled voices behind the door, one saying 'Hibari'. I pressed closer to the door with one hand temporarily silencing Hibird, who was now on my shoulder, grateful that the carpeted floor had also silenced my footsteps earlier.

"How do you think we should tell Tsuna?" It was Yamamoto, I was sure of it.

"We're telling him nothing, not until we had confirmed things." Reborn's high-pitched voice answered calmly. I leaned even closer against the door, desperate to hear all of what they were talking about.

"Reborn-san is right, this could mean nothing for all we know." Gokudera replied with hesitation. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, my best friends had agreed with my tutor to lie to me, even if one of them did hesitate.

I gritted my teeth, hands tightened into fists and snapped. I pushed the doors apart with as much force as I could muster, hearing them slammed against the walls. "Tell me what?" I asked through gritted teeth as I stomped into Gokudera's office, glowering at them and demanding answers while they looked at me with surprised faces. They knew something about Kyouya that I didn't and was about to hide it from me. Anger rushed through me. I was their friend, their boss, and most of all, Kyouya's lover, I had every right to know something so important, especially at a time like this. And being lied to by my Family hurt, even if they were doing it for my own good or whatever the reason. "Well? Don't you have something to tell me?" I repeated, growing more frustrated by the second.

Then, I saw Gokudera's hand moved, a flick of the wrist, as if trying to hide some folded sheets of papers behind his back. I narrowed my eyes, moved forward and snatched those sheets from him before anyone could say or do anything.

_It was you they told me who was in trouble_   
_I couldn't breathe on the other side of the world_   
_And there was nothing I could do to help you_

It turned out to be the newspaper from 3 days ago. The publisher worked solely in the underworld and the news was all mafia-related. I usually read it every day to keep up with the current affairs, but I happened to have been very busy that day and forgot about it. I immediately opened it up and furiously flicked through it.

Unfortunately, I didn't have to look long. It was right on the front page, accompanied by large, detailed photographs and bold words. My blood ran cold, I felt the chillness down to the bones and I could barely breathe. I read through it slowly with wide eyes filled with terror, not believing what was written. And yet, the words stared back at me mockingly, each of them felt like a punch to the face. My hands shook even more, making it hard to read, and my fingers dug into the edges of the page, ripping small holes in it.

I soundlessly mouthed the words 'no' and 'why' over and over again. Of all places in the world, it had to be that exact country, that exact famiglia, that exact base. Destroyed in what the police claimed to be a terrorist attack. But they didn't know that that seemingly perfectly normal hotel was the base of a mafia organization; we did. There was no mention of the Vongola in the article at all, Kyouya was always discrete.

"J-Juudaime, we didn't want to tell you because this could just be a coincidence, or even Hibari's doing," Gokudera said softly, emerald green eyes watching me with concern. I didn't think those words even sounded convincing to him, let alone me. "It says that there's no confirmed casualty beside their own subordinates."

I shook my head, one can only be optimistic for so long and I'd long passed that point. I felt so sick and nauseous. My chest hurt so much, making it even harder to breathe. I knew I should take deep breaths before I hyperventilated, but all thoughts that I could think of were the words from the article, and images of Kyouya still fighting men after men while the building came crashing down, then his lifeless and mangled body, buried underneath a mountain of rubble. I held back a scream, there was no word to describe how terrifying and traumatizing that image was.

The key word in what Gokudera just said was 'confirmed', and that hardly changed anything. My mind had already pieced together the worst case scenario and by the solemn looks around room, I wasn't the only one who'd figured it out.

They were well aware that Vongola would intervene and expected that a guardian was coming. To get rid of the cloud guardian, Vongola's rumoured strongest guardian, they'd destroyed the base, any subordinate dying would be collateral damage. It was a small price to pay. That was just how the mafia worked. Whether Kyouya knew about the plan, or did he fall for it, I didn't know, but us losing contact with him seemed to be a clear answer.

The moment I'd figured out what had happened, as if I'd cleared the challenge, my phone rang. All eyes fell on me as I threw the newspaper to the ground and frantically rummaged through my pockets. I cursed when my fingers kept losing their grip on the device, I was afraid that it was going to stop ringing at any second now. When I finally got it out, I flipped the phone open, nearly dropping it in the process, and pressed it to my ear. "Hello?! Kyouya?!" I exclaimed, praying that the answer was an affirmative.

"S-Sawada-san, it's...Kusakabe..." came a breathless answer and my heart dropped a bit. It sounded as if he was having a hard time just speaking. If it wasn't because the room was silent enough to hear a pin drop, I wouldn't have been able to hear him properly over the static. "I-I have bad news...to report...we were-"

"It's okay, I know what happened. Are you okay?! Where are you?!" I cut in, not wanting for him to waste his strength like that. With the state he was in, he was definitely in some hospital.

Kusakabe began giving me the address and I rushed to the desk, knocking things over as I looked for pen and paper to write the information down. I wanted nothing more than to ask him one question after another about Kyouya, but that was just too selfish when he was already so helpful despite struggling for breath. Hadn't I already done enough damage? I choked on the thought, but this was largely, if not entirely, my fault. "O-okay, thank you very much, Kusakabe-san. I'll be there as soon as possible. Please rest and don't push yourself too hard." I said and ended the call.

Looking around the room, everyone seemed to have understood from listening to my end of the conversation so no explanation was needed. With a nod, I turned and ran out of the room. I was going no matter what, even if I had to fly there myself. I heard footsteps behind me, a lot of footsteps. I looked back as I turned around a corner and saw all of the guardians and Reborn on Yamamoto's shoulder. My lips twitched into a minute, almost non-existent smile, this close bond our Family had was something I would always treasure and be grateful for.

Although travelling in one of Vongola's private jets was much faster than me flying, it was still going to take more than ten hours. Ten goddamn hours. Sitting between Gokudera and Yamamoto, I was praying to every god I knew of that the estimation was wrong. Either that or I was going outside to push the plane just to make it go faster. With Kusakabe in that critical state and Kyouya could be...dead for all we knew, how the hell was I going to sit around doing nothing for ten hours?! I could feel my friends watching me closely, but no words were said, there was only a tense silence inside the jet. When my patience ran out and I was about to go find a way to fly outside, I heard, and felt, Reborn shot me with a tranquilizer. After that was just darkness.

~1827~

_And it's true today it'd be your birthday_   
_It would've been your 27th year_   
_And I miss you in the Earth's atmosphere_   
_I wish you were here (here)_

May 5, I'd never thought I'd be standing in the emergency room of a hospital thousands of kilometers from Italy on this day. The hospital was a normal one, not like those private hospitals with state-of-the-art facilities or the ones owned by mafia famiglie. All of the personnel were shocked to see a group of men dressed in black stepping into the emergency department, but quickly returned to whatever they were doing. I got Kusakabe's room number from the front desk and we hurried there. It took a lot of persuasion for the doctors and nurses to let us enter the intensive care unit without supervision, and it was thanks to Mukuro taking control of the director. Normally, I would've never allowed it, but this time, it was the quickest way.

Entering the room, we all knew what to expect, but Kusakabe looked much worse. He was covered in bandages, hooked up to an IV and all sorts of machines, oxygen mask in place and black and blue bruises and grotesque cuts covered the rest of the exposed skin. Ryohei got started with healing right away and I picked up the clipboard by the bedside to read about the extent of the injuries. Broken arms, broken ribs, one punctured lung, severe blood loss, the list went on, but I stopped reading. I was almost grateful that we came at this time, after the doctors had cleaned things up and there had already been some healing and remodeling.

Kusakabe stirred and we grouped around the bed, still keeping a good few steps away to give him some space. "S-Sawada-san, you're here…"

I nodded grimly. "I'm sorry I took so long, I should've came here much earlier." No, what I should've done was making sure that we wouldn't be here in the first place.

"It's okay, it's not your fault." But it was, I knew it was.

And Kusakabe began retelling us what happened, and it wasn't far from my suspicion. They'd just been scouting the base when the enemy attacked. Kyouya had been against countless enemies at once many times before, but he was greatly outnumbered this time. However, sheer number still shouldn't have made that much of a difference. I shut my eyes tightly and my fists tightened until the knuckles turned white. They knew they wouldn't be able to defeat Kyouya, the aim was to injure and distract him until the bombs were detonated. And they got what they wanted. Kyouya and Kusakabe had no time to get out, and the only option left was using Roll and hoped for the best, but even the Needle Sphere could only withstand all of the falling debris for a short moment. When Kusakabe regained consciousness, everything was in ruin and there were some rescuers coming towards them. As they were on their way to the hospital on an ambulance, he passed out again due to blood loss and had only woken up yesterday.

"…where's Kyouya?" I swallowed the lump that was stuck in my throat and finally asked after Kusakabe had finished. No matter what the answer was, I just had to know it.

"Kyou-san is…here."

My eyes widened before I let out the breath I was holding, feeling a considerable portion of weight on my shoulders falling off and I allowed myself to hope again. If Kusakabe wasn't the one lying on the bed, I would be crushing him with a hug right now. Instead, I settled with a 'thank you' filled with genuine gratitude and ran out of the room, Ryohei and the rest would catch up to me later.

I ran all the way back to the main office to ask for Kyouya's room number, receiving a lot of disapproving glares, whispers and complaints about my loudness and running. The nurse in front of me looked even more hesitant this time around and I grimaced. I was practically begging her when Mukuro, in the form of the director, helped me out. I couldn't thank both of them enough before sprinting again down the white hallways.

The designated room was much further away from the entrance than Kusakabe's, and I couldn't help but notice that it was very close to the operation rooms and the doctors' offices. I was panting lightly from running by the time I got to Kyouya's room's doors. Before I could open the door, more nurses stopped me and I'd almost snapped at them and the entire world to make them stop getting in my way. Mukuro had to come to my aid again, this time as a doctor who would come in with me. Normally, I would be very surprised that he, of all people, would be so helpful, but I couldn't care less right now, it was the last thing on my mind. With the nurses chased away, I thanked Mukuro again and grabbed the doorknob.

_I go back, back, back and every memory you're there_   
_But the clock ticks over every minute we shared_   
_On my knees begging for it not to be true_   
_But it was you, it was you, it was you_

Seeing Kusakabe in the ICU was one thing, but seeing Kyouya was an entirely different matter. It wasn't the first time I'd seen one of us with a serious injury, not getting injured was impossible in the world we live in, but none of the past experience could ever compare to this. My shaking legs gave way and I dropped to the ground before Mukuro could catch me. I felt nauseous, already tasting bile at the back of my throat, from the combination of the surrounding that was way too white, the suffocating, sickly smell of sanitizer everywhere, and the sight in front of me.

Kyouya on that white bed, hooked up to multiple machines, small tubes coming in and out from any area of skin of the arms they could get to that weren't cover in bandages, the oxygen mask that prevented me from seeing his face from where I was and the bandage pressing down his normally disheveled hair that could only point towards a concussion.

The sight wasn't right, it was absolutely wrong. I'd joked a few times about seeing him dressed all in white for a change, but definitely not like this. He was supposed to wake up the moment I barged in, smirking and threatening to bite me to death for interrupting his sleep, not lying there motionlessly without any sign of life except for the not-so-stable line on the heart rate monitor. Right about this time, we should be in the Vongola mansion, I should be stopping one-sided bickers between Ryohei and Kyouya for ditching Ryohei at the bar last night with the bills, or between Gokudera and Kyouya for distracting and kidnapping me from work, not this.

I choked back a sob, but couldn't stop the burning tears that were already blurring my eyes. Maybe it really was fortunate that I came at this time. Seeing Kyouya in the operation room, covered in his own blood, surrounded – crowded – by doctors performing complicated surgeries with little chance of success would surely had made me go insane. Though, that actually sounded appealing right now. If I had gone insane, maybe I wouldn't be feeling so much pain. "Mukuro," I spoke up, my raspy voice sounded deafening to my own ears in this suffocating and sickening silence. "Please...tell me this is just a ridiculously real illusion." I still refused to believe any of this was true, still hoping – praying – that this was all just a sick joke made by some impossibly powerful, maniacal illusionist who was after my life.

But Mukuro said nothing, he only stood there and listened to me cry.

_They told me who was in trouble_   
_I couldn't breathe on the other side of the world_   
_And there was nothing I could do to help you_   
_And it's true today it'd be your birthday_   
_It would've been your 27th year_   
_And I miss you in the Earth's atmosphere_   
_I wish you were here_

Then, as if the gods had decided I had not suffered enough, the bad movie came to an even worse, unforgettable, end. Out of the blue, even though Kyouya did not even move, multiple alarms went off and I saw the red line on the monitor going up and down wildly. As I was frozen in place, not knowing what to do, Mukuro's presence disappeared and the doctor turned to look at me in confusion for a few seconds before rushing to the bedside when he noticed the alarms.

Everything happened so quickly. The doctor pressed some buttons on the wall and more nurses and doctors ran in. They grouped around the bedside, blocking my view when I was already desperately wanting to know what was going on. They were all speaking, yelling, rapidly at the same time, making it almost impossible to comprehend anything. I only managed to catch bits and pieces here and there: blood transfusion, incompatible, emergency, out of time,...

I couldn't hear anything after that as I lost it, and started screaming, begging them, anyone to do something. They disconnected the wires to the machines and started pushing the bed towards the entrance of the room. I yelled even more when a doctor stopped me, reassuring me that they would do their very best and everything was under control when I knew that was bullshit.

Footsteps came from behind and more arms pulled me back. This time, it was my friends. My flames were crackling under my skin, threatening to burst out and destroy everything as I struggled in Yamamoto and Gokudera's hold. Chrome was standing on the side, crying as she tried to tell me to calm down, her soft voice barely audible in the midst of the chaos. Lambo, also with teary eyes, joined in to help hold me back. I screamed, my voice already cracking from overuse, at Ryohei to do something. He grimaced and looked away to avoid my eyes, apologizing when it wasn't even his fault. I knew just as well as everyone here that there was only so much dying will flames could do and it was too late. But being reasonable wasn't something I was capable of right now. I continued to struggle futilely as the doctors disappeared one by one through the doors of the operation room, my intuition was howling at me that that would be the last time I saw Kyouya alive.

~1827~

_Instead of just in my dreams and in my imagination_   
_Confusing me completely from another dimension_   
_Can you see the beauty from a new beginning somewhere_   
_Cause I feel like I won't repair with time_

Smoke. Everything was covered in a pink smoke that was too familiar. I didn't so much as cough or make a move to clear up the smoke, I was too tired for that. My legs gave way again and I could feel the tiled floor materializing underneath me. Of all times, why must it be now?! I gritted my teeth and clawed at the ground in frustration, feeling the scorching sun of the Japanese summer that I had not experienced in years. Rooftop of Namimori Middle School, I could tell even without looking. I could only hope everyone back in my time would be able to keep my past self in the dark. The last thing I needed was for a fourteen years old boy to see what we, I, had failed to do.

I kept my eyes glued to the floor while tears streamed down my face and to the ground, too ashamed to look up at the past selves of my friends, to face the blue sky, the clouds. I boasted about being the enveloping sky, declaring that I fought to protect my Family. And yet, here I was, I couldn't even protect him. It was all my fault. I should've known that dream was a premonition, I should've known better and trusted my intuition, I should've stopped him, I should've came earlier. Things would definitely have been different. Now how was I supposed to live without him?! Maybe I should just disappear and follow him, my Family didn't need someone who couldn't even protect the one most important to him.

I could feel eyes watching me intently, a twenty-four years old mafia boss crying, I must have looked pathetic to them. I saw Gokudera's past self crouching down to ask me what was wrong and I ran away from there like a coward as fast as I could, there was no way I was going to give him or anyone a chance to find out about what had happened. I tripped and fell down the last few steps of the stairs, spraining my right ankle badly. But I'd hardly felt it and continued running, not even limping. It was easy to ignore the pain because everything hurt. It hurt more than any physical pain I'd experienced. A part of my mind whispered that if this was how it felt to lose someone I loved, then I was glad that I chose to let Kyouya know about my fake death months before.

When I'd finally realized where I had been unconsciously running towards, I was standing in front of the reception room. My hand acted on its own and pushed the door open. Fresh tears broke out when I saw his younger self looking up at me. Confusion was written all over his face, though it would be hard for a normal person to detect this, as he called my full name uncertainly, this would be the first time he and I have met. I sprinted over and hugged him, knocking us both to the ground, while still crying. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I kept apologizing like a mantra with my hoarse voice. Kyouya didn't say anything, nor did he push me away or hit me like I'd expected him to since at this point of time, there was still nothing between us – we got together one or two months later.

Once again, time was against me. Already, intuition was telling me I only had seconds left. Without any other option, I pushed myself away, taking one last look at him. I mouthed another apology and shut my eyes as smoke surrounded me, still envisioning that face and those blue-gray eyes that I will never see again. I kept my eyes shut tight, every second of not facing the reality that was waiting for me was temporary bliss.

After all, reality was cruel.

_And there was nothing I could do to help you_   
_And it's true today would be your birthday_   
_It would've been your 27th year_   
_And I miss you in the Earth's atmosphere_   
_I wish you were here_

End


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